"Try to make your face more bright and welcoming"

It amazes me how many times I am told (by my peers) "oh, go get a haircut, do your make up, treat yourself to a new dress" etc. by people whose primary thought is that my melancholy will be fixed by being more physically attractive. Or, my favourite, "you'll feel better once you've tidied [the house] up a bit.." as if my self-worth should be measured only by how appealing I am on the outside.

I'll feel better if someone else tidies up a bit.

But no one ever says, "Louise, go take 6 months to immerse yourself in thinking about the current socio-political system", or, "you know what you need? A really good-natured but vigourous debate about the possibilities of telepathy in future human minds", or, "why don't you stop washing up and see what thoughts you have about the post-millenial blending of 'East' and 'West' and see if you have any interesting perspectives", which is strange because if you really want to see my eyes shine, my body animated, my whole soul happy, it's my mind you need to illuminate, not my cheek bones.

Yet, that doesn't tend to happen.

Even with old old friends, I was aware as I sat round the campfire last weekend that the men dominated and the women allowed that to happen. Not much, because we are old friends, but it was a default position. The women were not listened to, and did not push their points in the same way as the men. It's not a wholly male-female thing, there were obviously personalities on both side of the gender gap that were more or less dominant, but it was noticable. And my daughter sat in the middle of the group covering herself in make-up and asking me if she looked pretty. She *is* beautiful. But she is also brilliant but when she speaks she is so anxious that she will lose the audience she blurts forth everything and expects to be ridiculed.

The girls on the music videos aren't ever singing about social change.

Please, let's raise women this time round, not girls. And allow them to understand there are many many many ways to be beautiful. I met some amazing younger women these past few years (Jemima, Polly, Taila I'm looking at you x) who really demonstrated to me that there is at least one generation who are just brilliantly confused by the notion that a girl wouldn't be creative, hard-working and intelligent and all the more beautiful for it. I'm going to let you inspire my daughter to be that which she already is and hope that my generation of people-pleasing, submissive and anxious old-age-girls get out of the way and let you shine <3 x <3 x

#shitmum.

How to join the Revolution

We want change now.

We want to be part of the transformation of society.

Politics is hysterical. Consumer economics is crippling. The world around us is dying before our eyes.

It's just too much for one human to tackle ...

So we sit here, make another cup of tea, and feel like we have failed to make a difference.

But we are wrong.

We *are* society, and every action we take contributes to the aggregate. We *are* one, regardless of whether we believe it or like it.

So, here are 4 SIMPLE STEPS TO REVOLUTION. And we can all do them. All the time.

STEP 1 - Know thyself

Hi, I'm Louise. I'm about 5'11'' tall. I like to be in the sea (but I'm always a bit scared of getting in tbh). Listening to people, watching them, and learning make me feel happy and inspired. My head buzzes with so many thoughts that I generally find it hard to stay quiet. Because of my twisted spine and naturally muscley body, I tend to spend a lot of my time stretching and that means I'm pretty clued up about yoga. I have two ...

Hmmm, that could go on forever. And it would never be finished. Who are you? What do you want? Like, really truly want? Fortunately, 'knowing yourself' gets easier with age. The more time you spend observing your own reactions - what you like and don't like, what you do and who you do it with - the more clarity you get around the consistent bits. But we also all change all the time in response to our experiences.

How the hell does self-awareness create social and political change? How can 'navel gazing' result in shifts in the community? Surely we need to get off our introspective butts and DO something!? Here's a little anecdote from my actual life to illustrate:

Not long ago I got back from a month in India learning from wiser people about the roots and practise of yoga. Then, back in the UK, I found myself in a public space with a stiff back and some time to spare so I settled down to do a sun salutation. My dog is a bit of a dick but very very lovely and he fussed around a bit and then settled under a tree. It was a hot day.

This public space is patrolled by private security guards. There is a vague rule that 'dogs should be under control'. Daniel (my dog) had wandered off while I had my eyes shut and one of the guards brought him back. Then he settled under the tree and I took care to keep my eyes open and him under vocal control while I got on with stretching. All was gravy.

The security guards disagreed. They came up in my face with a video camera. They were really aggressive and said they were 'filming me for my own safety' but refused to include any of the things that would support my case in the recording (such as my dog sitting attentively at my feet, or the distance that the tree was from where I was standing). They also were really rude when I asked how to get a copy of the recording and said I had no right to see it and they weren't obliged to give me information on how to get it either. They wouldn't even tell me who to contact, they just kept saying 'The council'. We argued it out for a while.

What does this have to do with self-awareness and revolution?

Here's the thing. I was sure I was not doing anything harmful, disrespectful, distressing or dangerous to myself of any of the other park users or the owners of the property. I knew for sure that my intentions were reasonable and so was my behaviour. I knew this for sure. So no matter how much the guards spouted 'but the rule says this' and 'its because that'  (and it's worth mentioning they were clearly making things up as they went along) as authority figures do when they are trying to control behaviour, it didn't matter. These were their words and their views and not mine. I was acting on my own authority.

So when they (the original guard went to get another burly man to help protect him from the yoga lady and her soft-mouthed spaniel) told me that I had to hold onto the end of my dog's lead while I was in the park because 'that was the rules', I was able to be very calm, look them straight in the eye and say, "but I don't agree with that rule".

I had the power from then on. It was up to them to decide whether they chose to continue to enforce a rule when there was a chance it might be a stupid and unjust one. To make that decision they would need to take a` look inside themselves.

This week in Thailand police lay down arms and joined with protesters against an irrational and oppressive government. They chose peace over violence, they chose to act according to their own authority. They joined the revolution <3.

http://www.trueactivist.com/police-in-thailand-lay-down-weapons-and-join-with-protestors/

STEP 2 - Act honestly

Let's stick with the anecdote. It has legs.

Once you know what it is you think and feel for real, and not what stuff and marketing and people want you to, then you can act with integrity. This gets *really* complicated for many of us. Standing in that park, arguing with those men, I wanted to cite the damage they were inflicting on others - how it was unfair to all the homeless, dog-owning, Oh Lord, whoever I could think of to refer to that needed them to be more reasonable. I was doing this for OTHERS! for the good of THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN ME!

Which was bullshit.

I was upset. I was inconvenienced. I wanted to stretch in the sun while my dog dozed in the shade. I was doing it for me. And they had upset me. I was a little bit scared. I was very upset. I was the one being oppressed. I began to cry.

Crying in public is not something I try to do often. Nor is showing any kind of vulnerability. I prefer to protective shell of anger and outrage, of defending the rights of others, of insisting on equality for all. Many people in the UK recently voted to leave the EU. Many other people in the UK are really pissed off that this happened. The arguments usually cited on both sides refer to other people. Immigrants who won't be able to cross our borders, business owners who have to abide by 'crazy' policies. I want to be an EU citizen too. Actually I would like to be a global citizen. If this helps other people then great, but the real reason is that I travel a lot and I find currency exchange and passport control a chore. I want to be able to live wherever I want to.

To be honest usually means being selfish. We are trained not to do this. But if you really really really act in your own best interests, and you really really really know what these interests are, then your needs are likely to be very reasonable.

http://www.history.com/topics/black-history/rosa-parks

At our core, humans, like all other animals, are pretty lazy really. We don't enjoy conflict or effort unless it is just fun. And we don't like to hurt other things unless we are trying to stop them from hurting us. If we all act honestly we won't be doing things that we don't want to do. Mostly we will be doing nice stuff. Because we won't be feeling guilty, and we won't be breaking our own rules. Anarchy is not about not having rules, it is about obeying only the rules that make sense to your true self. Many believe that, if we were all free to do this, we would not need governments in society.

Back to the park. I cried. Because, honestly, I was upset by what was happening. I realised I wanted help. Which leads me to then next stage.

STEP 3 - Seek help

So, I'm stood in the park. There's a little happy dog at my feet and a two men with a camera between me and the sun. There is a bunch of students sat about behind me to my right, and three new-media agency type guys having lunch behind me to my left. As soon as I realised my *honest* emotion here was one of helplessness, I realised that these people could help me. I turned around, and in a loud clear but shaky voice, called out: "Can anyone help me out here please?!"

Their reaction was instant and beautiful. The merry hipsters began to dance around the security guards and do yoga with me for the camera, the men made sure I was OK and intervened with the security guards to explain how they also thought that the steps they were taking were overly aggressive and a disgrace to the city. I was relieved beyond belief, and able to get on with my practice while these people protected me from the guards.  For me the experience was overwhelming. I'd never before allowed myself to be the one who needed help, and we often view political change as an act on behalf of others. But by allowing myself to be the one in need, others became empowered. They became active. They had cause to think about how they felt about the presence of the guards in their community.

Like the guards when confronted with the statement, 'I don't agree with this rule', the other people in that park had cause to consider the rule and express their view. Turns out they didn't agree with it either. They joined the revolution.


Today we have a world in which this micro-action is available on a global scale. Social media allows people to share their true, first hand experiences and to reach out across the geographical limits to share their honest experiences. People need information to make choices. Until I asked for help, the other park users thought that the guards knew me. They were so in my face that the men who later made them go away had thought we must be friends. They had misunderstood the situation, but when I asked for help - showing my honest reaction to the situation - they had no hesitation themselves in reacting honestly.

http://mashable.com/2016/07/15/turkey-facebook-twitter-youtube-blocked-attempted-coup/#s67XVQAIo8q3

Governments and imposed authorities know the power of true testimony. That's why they invest so much in media, in propaganda, and in censorship. Never suffer in silence, your truth is your most powerful instrument for change.

STEP 4 - Express gratitude

Wow, all this social activism's got me buzzing high! We're connected, our adrenaline is pumping, we feel empowered. Whoo! We can do anything right now! Power to the PEOPLE! YEAH! ...

One very important part of constructive revolution - real lasting social change - is knowing when you have achieved a goal. Is knowing when to stop, appreciate what you have achieved and give thanks to those that helped you achieve it, and get on with the stuff of life.

Because that is what we are looking for here, right? A better way of life, not a state of constant conflict and unrest. There may be a need for a little chaos, but the goal is to shift to a more comfortable state, not create a permanent state of discomfort.

Thanks to those people I got through my three rounds of sun salutations without having to hold on to the dogs lead and my hips and heart and mind felt better. This was what I came to the park to do. It was really tempting to start jeering at the guards as they left. It was really tempting to start whipping up the students into a frenzy of social protest through yoga and get everyone cheering and yelling for my cause. No doubt I could have done.

But that wouldn't have been honest. That wouldn't have been in line with my true needs. That would have been contrary to them. This started because I believed that I was not a disturbance or a threat to any other park users by peacefully and silently moving my body while my dog rested. I had already disturbed the activities of two other groups using the park and honestly all *I* wanted was to move on with my day.


So I said thank you to the people who had helped me. And I went to a friend's place to have a cup of tea and reflect on what had happened. And now I am writing this. My cause is not the greatest. My needs had been met. I had achieved the change I wanted for myself.

http://img13.deviantart.net/8b6c/i/2012/032/3/3/humility_doodle_by_tsubakirukia-d4oalii.jpg

Acts of social dissent, of dissent against authority, are often exciting. And that excitement can be addictive, can even become a goal in itself. Revolution is unsustainable, all systems strive toward an equilibrium, toward a balance state. When that state matches what we were striving for ourselves, the truth we wanted, then it is time to give thanks and to appreciate that state.

Be joyful. Be humble. Give thanks. Move on. *Then* your world will be a better place, and your world is my world is our world is one.

x <3 x

MEN ARE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL FEMINISTS OF MY GENERATION

this post was originally created in April 2013 but I'm reissuing it 3 years later to celebrate International Women's Day. x
 

Without a doubt, men of my generation have advanced the feminist cause further than women in the last decade.

The feminist argument often takes two threads. One: Women demand equality in terms of treatment as compared to men - this takes the form of 'equal pay' 'equal rights to representation' 'equal access to the corridors of power' etc. It is the feminism that applauds Lady Thatcher, Karren Brady, Marissa Mayer. It's about access to a patriarchal society and the fair and equal representation of women in it. This often has much to do with removing the oppression of women still experienced by many throughout the world.

But the other branch takes a broader view. it focuses on the emergence of neither a matriarchal or patriarchal world, but the resurgence of a feminine culture and paradigm, with feminine in this sense standing for the opposite of aggressive dominance and competition. This branch often ties itself in knots before a conversation can even begin over the meaning of 'feminine' and 'masculine'. It is harder to express as it deals with a more eastern philosophical notion of 'aspects' than a hard, quantifiable notion of 'male' or 'female'. But lets try.

Women, understandably, have been tightly focussed on removing the oppression and gaining a voice and standing in the existing social structures we have today. There have been many many successes and there is still much work to be done. It's not my intention to undermine or undervalue any of the achievements here.

But, while we (the women) have been rumbling along fighting (see - fighting!) for equality, there has been a quieter revolution among the men. Stop and listen to the men in your community (well in my community anyway) and you'll realise something delightfully surprising. Men have been establishing a world order that is feminine, breaking down barriers - not for our sake, but for their own - around work, aspiration, health, and family structure. And they have been very successful.

Many fathers, for example, cherish and relish being and active parent while their children are young, and their demands for flexible working hours (remember, as they are the power-holders, when they demand things they get them) have resulted in flexible hours and home-working policies becoming the norm.

Technology to support this has come hand in hand with the flexibility. Men and women have been developing this, to be sure, but as men outweigh women heavily in the tech field, we've got to give them credit. Skype, laptops, smart-phones, wifi technology, internet banking. All of these things are driving a society in which the arguments levelled against women maintaining their hard-won status in society and the workplace when moving into that previously uniquely female role of ‘parental care giver’ are becoming more and more ridiculous.

Were is not for the men in tech who wanted the right for themselves to go home and spend time with their children, who wanted what the women in their lives had, I would never have had the opportunities I currently enjoy. And as women last longer and go further in the public domain as a result of the shifts the public domain benefits from an increase in compassionate, holistic view points that were previously hidden in the home.

Home life too benefits from the influence of the kind of focused and practical approach to task completion that we typically attribute to men (remember we are being ‘eastern’ in our philosophy here and accept that there gender traits are a gray not black and white affair) and we see the influence of emotionally-manipulative marketing strategies for consumption and goal setting that has been heaped on the women of the western world fall away to be replaced by a more self-oriented society that recognises the importance of looking after yourself as well as your family.

So thank you to the men - I doubt that you did it with the advancement of women in mind, and in most cases it was likely a self-indulgent desire to get away with doing less that motivated the change if anything, but Hoorah! all the same :) Equality is a constantly shifting balance between all the components in society. It is equilibrium.

Now we can roar <3 <3 <3