"Try to make your face more bright and welcoming"

It amazes me how many times I am told (by my peers) "oh, go get a haircut, do your make up, treat yourself to a new dress" etc. by people whose primary thought is that my melancholy will be fixed by being more physically attractive. Or, my favourite, "you'll feel better once you've tidied [the house] up a bit.." as if my self-worth should be measured only by how appealing I am on the outside.

I'll feel better if someone else tidies up a bit.

But no one ever says, "Louise, go take 6 months to immerse yourself in thinking about the current socio-political system", or, "you know what you need? A really good-natured but vigourous debate about the possibilities of telepathy in future human minds", or, "why don't you stop washing up and see what thoughts you have about the post-millenial blending of 'East' and 'West' and see if you have any interesting perspectives", which is strange because if you really want to see my eyes shine, my body animated, my whole soul happy, it's my mind you need to illuminate, not my cheek bones.

Yet, that doesn't tend to happen.

Even with old old friends, I was aware as I sat round the campfire last weekend that the men dominated and the women allowed that to happen. Not much, because we are old friends, but it was a default position. The women were not listened to, and did not push their points in the same way as the men. It's not a wholly male-female thing, there were obviously personalities on both side of the gender gap that were more or less dominant, but it was noticable. And my daughter sat in the middle of the group covering herself in make-up and asking me if she looked pretty. She *is* beautiful. But she is also brilliant but when she speaks she is so anxious that she will lose the audience she blurts forth everything and expects to be ridiculed.

The girls on the music videos aren't ever singing about social change.

Please, let's raise women this time round, not girls. And allow them to understand there are many many many ways to be beautiful. I met some amazing younger women these past few years (Jemima, Polly, Taila I'm looking at you x) who really demonstrated to me that there is at least one generation who are just brilliantly confused by the notion that a girl wouldn't be creative, hard-working and intelligent and all the more beautiful for it. I'm going to let you inspire my daughter to be that which she already is and hope that my generation of people-pleasing, submissive and anxious old-age-girls get out of the way and let you shine <3 x <3 x

#shitmum.