If you want someone to impress you - give them space

my son just topped the goal scorers table for his league despite only playing half a season.

WHY AM I PROUD?

Because he had to get to this level himself. Because I made him a deal when he was very young that when he was old enough to organise himself to football training etc, if he really wanted to I would support him.

So he never spent (we never spent - I was a single parent with a tough workload and another child I didn't want to get lost under the world of kids soccer) every Friday standing in the cold and rain at the edge of the pitch watching a bunch of knee-high boys get shouted at. He never had his parents sacrifice their sacred weekend time to shuttle him across the county, wash his socks etc. He had to learn himself - he had to get good in the park (we did do that together!) and then get accepted into a team at the age where he was old enough to make his own choices about how he spends his time.

He put in the effort- this is his achievement. There is no part of his story that can place any credit for this at anyone else's feet.

So we reward that with our effort now. We drive him, wash the kits, spend our time etc. Because HE deserves our admiration and our support.

MORE PARENT BRAGGING

 

And here I cross a line. I go too far. I hurt people who have done their best for their kids - I insult them (and their children).

But I want to for all the parents to come - because if there is one thing parenting needs to be it is less competitive, less idealistic, less personal. Our children are not a reflection of our abilities. Putting them under pressure to be better than others or to excel in certain things (football, spanish, maths, piano etc.) especially from a young age - well I think it is a problem And I think that when we do it we do it because we are fearful of criticism that we didn't do enough.

We did enough. We gave birth to them and we love them. We continue to try to create a world in which they can thrive as best we can. We try to create ourselves as role models and resources they can rely on. To provide access to people and places and ideas that they can grow into.

But do we need them to be A* students? To have 6-figure salaries? To master complex Chopin? Do they need to?

I am proud (SO PROUD _ DID I SAY THAT?!!?) of Roo because he did this, and he did it because he enjoys it. He loves it. He worked hard and became good at something he loves doing and has overcome some pretty significant obstacles to keep doing it.

I hope that is something he always feels able to do.

X

#shitmum